Author: erasingshame.com

“Is it a disgrace to be Born a Chinese? Didn’t God make us all!!! What right have you to bar my children out of the school because she is a chinese Decend.” These are some of the questions Mrs. Mary Tape wrote to the California Board of Education in 1885.

Marie Chan, author of Mamie Takes A Stand: Mamie Takes a Stand: The True Story of Mamie Tape, a Chinese American Girl’s Fight for School Rights,  highlights a hidden figure in Asian American history: Mamie Tape. The journey of learning and sharing Mamie’s story grew from Marie’s curiosity and consistent pursuit to learn about school segregation in California.

In this episode, Marie and Victoria discuss the personal and meaningful impact of reading books with representation and celebration of diverse storytelling. Marie emphasizes the concept of imago dei (God created all humans in God’s image), which calls for the celebration of unique and interconnected identity formation.

Show Notes

Mamie Takes a Stand and to access the digital download for the Parent & Educator Guide.

• Marie Chan’s Website: mariechan.com/books
• Instagram: @mariechanbooks
• Facebook: @mariechanbooks

Communities that supported Marie during the time she wrote Mamie Takes a Stand:

• Women of Color Mentoring for Emerging Writers cohort sponsored by the Redbud Writers Guild
• Entrusted Women

Victoria Cheng linkedin.com/in/victoriaylcheng

Music Credit—

Intro & Outro Music via Vlog No Copyright Music.
• Song: TVARI – Tokyo Cafe 
• Creative Commons—ShareAlike—Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0)

Content Warning / Trigger Warning: sexual violence/rape.

Midori Doumani is half Japanese and half Mexican and happy to share her heritage when directly asked. She navigates ambiguity about her perceived ethnic identity with compassion. As a kid and young adult, generationally infused shame affected her decisions. Her close-knit family dynamics and her desire to preserve the family’s routine, led her to not disclose her own distressing and heartbreaking incident to anyone for ten years.

Presently, Midori models a healthy acknowledgment and expression of shame and discomfort. She sets the example for her children to grow confident in their diverse identities and spiritual vocations. Midori’s faith in Jesus and her deep-rooted heart’s desire for her family are significant factors in her healing journey. She and her husband champion education on emotional well-being and conflict resolution, and they desire to inspire others to heal and share their testimonies.

Show Notes

Midori Doumani SimplyMidori.com + instagram.com/simply_midori

Midori Doumani is a mother, speaker, author, and activist with over 12 years of service in the local church. Alongside her husband, Joshua, she co-founded Simply Midori, a holistic relationship support and therapy organization dedicated to fostering healthy connections with oneself, others, and God. At Simply Midori, Midori leads initiatives that help individuals understand how their past influences their present, provides tools for healing, and supports personal growth towards their aspirations.

Midori also supports women globally through Undignified Ministries, an initiative that empowers them to discover and fulfill their God-given potential. Additionally, she has played a key role in establishing life-giving churches in the US, which not only share the Gospel but also offer humanitarian support to the vulnerable during crises.

As an author, Midori has written extensively on personal development, relationship building, and the journey of wrestling with faith while maintaining belief. She connects with her audience through her blog and various media platforms, offering insights and encouragement grounded in faith.

Victoria Cheng linkedin.com/in/victoriaylcheng

Music Credit

Intro & Outro Music via Vlog No Copyright Music.
• Song: TVARI – Tokyo Cafe 
• Creative Commons—ShareAlike—Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0)

On this Erasing Shame conversation, Rev. Dr. Ken Fong explains the difference between toxic shame and healthy shame—how they’re two different things. Toxic shame carries the message that there’s something inherently wrong with oneself, leading individuals to either blame others or internalize the feeling and become worthless. Healthy shame, on the other hand, acknowledges mistakes and wrongdoings, allowing for growth and the reception of grace. He also shares insights into the cultural significance of shame in the Asian American community and the importance of authenticity and healthy connections in a chaotic world.

Show Notes

• Asian America: The Ken Fong Podcast asianamericapodcast.com
• In this Preaching Today article by Dr. Matthew D. Kim, Pastor Ken Fong described the differences this way: “Healthy shame is an intermittent, proper awareness of being a limited, flawed human being. It leads to the acknowledgement of your need for help from a higher power. It is the source of creativity. It is the core of true spirituality. Toxic shame, on the other hand, is the dark feeling that you are flawed as a human being. In spite of your efforts to change, deep inside, it feels hopeless because you do not believe that genuine change is truly possible. After all, you did not just make a mistake; you are the mistake.”

Intro & Outro Music via Vlog No Copyright Music.
• Song: TVARI – Tokyo Cafe 
• Creative Commons—ShareAlike—Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0)

How about a cold open? That’s how this conversation starts with Justin Kiley (pronounced KEE-lay), where we talk about his Filipino heritage, specifically the Igorot tribe, how that flavors his experience with shame personally, given his family and cultural background, the complexities of church hurt, and how he found a healing community and authentic connection in Portland, Oregon.

Justin describes different degrees of church hurt, from over-sensitivity to malicious abuse and trauma. Kiley emphasizes that the terms “abuse” and “trauma” are often used too loosely and without quantification, causing quite a lot of confusion. He also mentions the added complexity of deconstruction and faith wrestling.

For more background and context, this connection with Justin happened because our season 5 co-host Hannah Lee Sandoval dug into a conversation for the entire duration of a 2.5-hour flight chatting about all things mental health and faith.

Show Notes

• Connect with Justin Kiley at instagram.com/justintroy_
• “The Anxious Generation” by Jonathan Haidt https://amzn.to/4cUICFI

Intro & Outro Music via Vlog No Copyright Music.
• Song: TVARI – Tokyo Cafe 
• Creative Commons—ShareAlike—Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0)

Content Warning / Trigger Warning: bullying, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt. CW/TW.

In this extended episode, Naomi Smith shows her prowess in storytelling in this conversation about how food affects brain health and how that is so important to life, walking through the challenges of being biracial, becoming a film maker, discovering the value of family history, and many more vignettes.

Show Notes

Connect with Naomi Smith

• https://linktr.ee/naomibowiesmith
• https://www.instagram.com/naomibowiesmith
• “I Love You” short film https://www.instagram.com/iloveyoushortfilm

Book: Biracial Britain: A Different Way of Looking at Race by Remi Adekoya

Book review: “Biracial Britain by Remi Adekoya review: turning assumptions upside down“

Article: “Biracial Britain: why mixed-race people must be able to decide their own identity“

Modern Minorities podcast episode with Remi Adekoya https://open.spotify.com/episode/13sNbK2lzFzsBy6Ld9c77H?si=21h6IiJrR2a_cgy6D13EaA

MUSIC CREDITS:

Intro & Outro Music via Vlog No Copyright Music.
• Song: TVARI – Tokyo Cafe 
• Creative Commons—ShareAlike—Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0)

Gracie Joo is a 2nd generation Asian-American and daughter of a Korean pastor. She illustrates and magnifies God’s heart for specific burdens that pastors’ kids are born into with stories about her upbringing. These illustrations involve and are not limited to Dollar Tree Christmases, hand-me-downs from church eonnies, car misfortunes, a gifted and personalized Lexus, and the Holy’s Spirit’s timely providence of friendship and perceptive reflection.

God’s heart for pastors’ kids goes beyond the rebellious-or-faithful-pastors’-kid spectrum. The Church has a special opportunity to demonstrate God’s compassion and not merely take from a pastor’s family. Church members often place Pastors’ kids on high and unwanted pedestals with a scrutinous gaze, as if the kids’ behavior measures the faith of their parents. In this conversation, Victoria Cheng and Gracie Joo peel back a few personal layers and dig into socialized legalism and their Asian immigrant church experience.

Show Notes

Victoria Cheng linkedin.com/in/victoriaylcheng/

CREDITS:

Intro & Outro Music via Vlog No Copyright Music.
• Song: TVARI – Tokyo Cafe 
• Creative Commons—ShareAlike—Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0)

Dr. Brian Licuanan is a licensed psychologist in Orange County, California, and shares about how shame, and other factors, keeps people from getting help and treatment for their mental health challenges. Plus, he reveals a reason that goes beyond shame that causes someone to resist treatment.

We believe treatment can truly help someone experience a better quality of life and health, even though sometimes finding the right treatment or doing the hard work of recovery could take quite some time and effort. And, living well is worth it.

Show Notes

• Connect with Dr. Brian Licuanan drbrianlicuanan.com and Follow on Instagram instagram.com/drlicuanan
• New book by Dr. Brian Licuanan, How to Get Your Resisting Loved One into Treatment: A Step-by-Step Plan for Mental Health and/or Addiction Crisis https://amzn.to/4aJkSTx
• Book signing at Barnes & Nobles in Huntington Beach on Saturday June 22nd at 11am instagram.com/drlicuanan/p/C8HtL81pZ1N/

MUSIC CREDITS

Intro & Outro Music via Vlog No Copyright Music.
• Song: TVARI – Tokyo Cafe 
• Creative Commons—ShareAlike—Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0)

Victoria needs your help.

What is our response as we bear witness to the micro and macro sufferings in our personal lives, communities, and in the world?

Where and how might Biblical lament fulfill its purpose in the modern church? How can churches be better at holding space for people grieving, processing trauma, struggling with their faith, or facing mental health challenges both short term and long-term?

How do we unlearn a self-centered and religiously infused savior complex?

Disclaimer: Victoria’s ponderings are asked within context as a 3rd-Generation Chinese-American in the USA.

Please submit your ponderings to us at ErasingShame.com/contact.

Show Notes

Victoria Cheng linkedin.com/in/victoriaylcheng/

Mentioned Reading: Reconciling All Things: A Christian Vision for Justice, Peace and Healing by Emmanuel Katongole and Chris Rice (InterVarsity Press, 2008) https://www.ivpress.com/reconciling-all-things

CREDITS:

Intro & Outro Music via Vlog No Copyright Music.
• Song: TVARI – Tokyo Cafe 
• Creative Commons—ShareAlike—Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0)

Faith Chang, author of Peace over Perfection: Enjoying a Good God when You Feel You’re Never Enough, joins Erasing Shame for a conversation about a more nuanced perspective about perfectionism, especially for Christians, how it’s related to performance anxiety, and what we can do with Matthew 5:48.

Show Notes

• Buy the Book https://amzn.to/4bwvJko
• Faith Chang’s Substack https://faithchang.substack.com
• SOLA Network podcast – “Peace Over Perfection: An Interview with Faith Chang“
• The Habit podcast – “Faith Chang is a Perfectionist.“
  

MUSIC CREDITS: 

Intro & Outro Music via Vlog No Copyright Music.
• Song: TVARI – Tokyo Cafe 
• Creative Commons—ShareAlike—Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0)

Most of us, if not all of us, have experienced pain and shame for being singled out, feeling lonely and isolated. And, some people have even survived violence, emotionally or physically; we do encourage people get help to have safety, quality of life, and renew a sense of hope through those challenges.

We have a conversation with Prasanta Verma, author of Beyond Ethnic Loneliness: The Pain of Marginalization and the Path to Belonging, about all that and more.

Show Notes

2021 Article by Prasanta Verma: “Churches Should Help Normalize Mental Health for Asian Americans” (Sojourners)

Prasanta Verma, MBA, MPH, is a freelance writer and poet. You can connect with her on Instagram @prasantaverma or her website prasantaverma.com.

Help for Domestic Violence

in the USA thehotline.org • 1-800-799-7233 • 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline or text START to 88788

Austin – Asian Family Support Services of Austin 877-281-8371

Boston – Asian Task Force Against Domestic Violence 24-Hour Multilingual Hotline: 617.338.2355

Houston – Asians Against Domestic Abuse (AADA) is fluent in many native languages including: Arabic, Turkish, Turkic Languages, Farsi, Japanese, Korean, Mandarin, Vietnamese, Urdu, Hindi, Gujarati and are familiar with various cultures.

Los Angeles – Korean Bilingual After Hours Crisis Hotline:
(213) 338-0472 • 24-hour crisis hotline for domestic violence, sexual assault, & human trafficking • kfamla.org

Los Angeles – Center for the Pacific Asian Family 800-339-3940 繁體中文 한국어 日本語 Tagalog Tiếng Việt ខ្មែរ हिन्दी ไทย

New York City area – Womankind uses the multidimensionality of its Asian heritage to work alongside survivors of gender-based violence as they build a path to healing. 24-Hour Multilingual Helpline: 1.888.888.7702 with English, Spanish and 18+ Asian languages and dialects, including Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Tagalog, Hindi, Urdu, Bengali, and Vietnamese.

New York City area – Sakhi (Sakhi for South Asian Survivors) offers a safe and nonjudgmental space for you to connect with our trained advocates in 8 South Asian languages. Get help in नेपाली, বাংলা, हिन्दी, اردو. Call 1-212-868-6741 or text 1-305-204-1809

San Francisco Bay Area – Narika’s confidential toll-free Helpline 1-800-215-7308

South Asian Domestic Violence Organizations by state

Asian Pacific Institute on Gender-Based Violence has a
Directory of AAPI domestic violence agencies to locate a program near you

CREDITS:

Intro & Outro Music via Vlog No Copyright Music.
• Song: TVARI – Tokyo Cafe 
• Creative Commons—ShareAlike—Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0)